We are live from Anaheim, California and your announcers are Michael ‘I hope the Miz will be my Valentine’ Cole and Josh ‘Condolences on the passing of Jerry Lawler’s mom’ Mathews.
We see footage from last week’s main event when John Cena got disqualified with a low blow on CM Punk and then Cena held off Nexus with a steel chair.
John Cena thanks Jerry Lawler for the assist last week. Cena comments on the crowd. Cena says that he sees some guys smiling and some guys sweating so it must be Valentine’s Day. Cena says that nothing says ‘I Love You, honey’ more than a pair of tickets to Raw. Cena says that not only is love in the air, Wrestlemania is in the air. He reminds us that we will find out the host of Wrestlemania. Cena says that everyone has been talking about it and there are theories about it. Cena suggests that anyone who is brave enough to appear at the Grammys in an egg, then Lady Gaga could host it. If Sammi left the Jersey Shore, then she could host Mania. Cena suggests that Michael Cole could be the host. Cena says that it is a man who has experienced a special moment, he talked about a special attraction, and has been involved in something never seen before. Cena says that he gets a ‘special moment’ whenever he gets a message from the General Manager. Cole has a special attraction with Miz and Alex Riley. We have never seen proof that Michael Cole is really a man. We find out tonight who the host is, and on Sunday we find out who main events Wrestlemania. Cena says that after the year he is having, he needs this Wrestlemania moment. Cena says that he was a slave at one point, working for a group of radicals. Then he was fired and he lived off milk and crayons. Then he came back and had to deal with Nexus. At the Elimination Chamber, only one man from Nexus can enter the Chamber.
CM Punk comes out and he has something to say from the stage. He tells Cena that he does not need to listen to this any more. He does not need the members of Nexus 2.0 to help him. Punk says that it is in Gray’s Sports Almanac that the last two times they met, it is CM Punk 2, John Cena 0. He does not need to hear Cena run down a good Samaritan like Michael Cole. He does not need to listen to Cena like the people in Anaheim because he is a good person. Punk says that even here, good things happen to good people.
Match Number One: John Cena versus CM Punk
They lock up and Cena backs Punk into the corner and Cena with a clean break. Punk charges at Cena and Cena moves. Cena with punches and an Irish whip but Cena charges into the post and goes to the floor when Punk moves out of the way. Punk goes to the apron and he hits a clothesline on Cena and Cena is down. We go to commercial.
We are back and Punk with a kick to the chest and he gets a near fall. Punk with a suplex on Cena and he gets another near fall. Punk with a key lock but Cena with an arm drag. Cena charges into a boot and Punk with a near fall on a jackknife cover. Punk with a body scissors on Cena. Cena powers out of the hold and he tries for the ankle to set up the STF. Punk kicks Cena in the back and then he stands on Cena’s head.
Punk punches Cena and then he connects with jabs and another kick. Cena with punches followed by two flying shoulder tackles. Cena with a Blue Thunder Bomb followed by the Five Knuckle Shuffle. Cena gets Punk up for the Attitude Adjustment but Punk interrupts the Legendary Sequence and hits a leg lariat for a near fall. Punk with a figure four leg lock but Cena gets Punk on his shoulders. Cena with a knee and a gutwrench suplex and a near fall.
Punk with a kick and the knee in the corner. Cena blocks the bulldog and tries for the STF. Punk avoids it and gets a near fall on Cena. Punk tries for the Go To Sleep but Cena with a crucifix for a near fall. Punk with a kick to the head and he gets another near fall. Punk goes up top for a cross body and Cena rolls through and gets Punk up for the Attitude Adjustment but Punk gets to the apron. Cena kicks Punk off the apron. Punk is given a chair from someone under the ring and he puts it in the ring. The referee deals with the chair and Punk hits Cena with a wrench. Punk hits the Go To Sleep for the three count.
Winner: CM Punk
Michael Cole mentions that Josh Mathews is his co-host tonight because of the passing of Jerry Lawler’s mother. They send their condolences to Jerry Lawler. Cole says that Lawler will be at the pay per view on Sunday.
We look outside in Anaheim and wait for the host of Wrestlemania to arrive.
We go to commercial.
We are back with the Slam of the Week: The Alberto Del Rio announcement that he will win the World Title at Wrestlemania . . . and Edge’s rebuttal. Then we see Alberto Del Rio go El Kabong on the shoulder followed by the cross arm breaker.
It is time for that long time Raw regular, Ricardo Rodriguez to introduce Alberto Del Rio.
Alberto drives into the building and then he makes his way into the ring. Alberto tells us who he is, but we already know that. It does not matter to him who wins the Elimination Chamber match on Sunday for Smackdown because it is his destiny to be the World Champion at Wrestlemania.
Another Raw regular, Edge makes his way into the building. Edge asks Alberto ‘que pasa’ and then he says that he has been so busy beating Dolph Ziggler on Smackdown the last two weeks that he almost forgot that Alberto attacked him with a guitar two weeks ago on Raw. Edge says that Alberto talks about a destiny and Edge says that he has a destiny too.
Edge takes Del Rio down and he punches Del Rio. Edge takes off his jacket and then he pulls his hair as he sets for the spear. Ricardo Rodriguez runs interference on the apron and Edge punches him. Del Rio rolls to the apron and then he drops Edge’s arm on the rope. Edge spears Alberto off the apron.
Vickie Guerrero comes out and she says that on Sunday there is a World Title Match in the Elimination Chamber, but she wants to introduce the new World Heavyweight Champion, her boyfriend, Dolph Ziggler.
We go to footage from Smackdown last week and we see Edge hitting a spear while Vickie was recovering from her failed spear attempt on Edge.
Vickie reminds Edge that she told him over and over and over and over again that if he uses the spear, he will face the consequences. On Friday night, there will be the official coronation of Dolph Ziggler as the new World Champion.
Vickie says that Edge lost the title last Friday night and he will lose something else tonight. She says that she has proof that Edge is the one who assaulted Teddy Long and Edge will lose his job. Vickie laughs maniacally.
Eve Torres and Natalya walk in the back as we get ready for their title match.
We go to commercial, but who will be on Raw next week to fulfill the 2/21/11 prophecy?
Match Number Two: Natalya versus Eve Torres for the Divas Title in a Lumberjill Match
They shake hands and Natalya with a side head lock take down and Eve with a head scissors. Eve with a side head lock take down and Natalya with a head scissors. They each try for drop kicks at the same time. Natalya with a series of near falls followed by a waist lock but Eve with an arm drag into a hammer lock. Natalya with a surfboard on Eve and Eve is able to get her arms free and she gets a near fall. Natalya with a side head lock. Eve with a back elbow and flip leg drop for a near fall.
Natalya with a discus clothesline. Eve throws Natalya out of the ring and the Bellas, Melina, Alicia Fox, and Maryse attack Natalya while Gail Kim and Tamina save Natalya. Eve with a cross body on the rest of the Divas on the floor.
Eve with an Irish whip and then they both bump heads and go down. Natalya with a La Magistral but Eve rolls through and gets the three count.
Winner: Eve Torres
After the match, they shake hands.
We go to commercial.
We are back and Did You Know that Raw is live in Germany? (and Did You Know they have new graphics for the Did You Know factoids?)
Rev Theory is in the crowd.
The Bellas are yelling at Eve and then they attack her but Gail Kim is nearby to help out. Natalya joins in and then some referees try to break things up.
It is time to take another look at The Chaperone.
Match Number Three: Mark Henry . . .
Sheamus attacks Henry from behind and then hits Henry with a pump kick.
Sheamus grabs the mic and he tells all the fellas in the Elimination Chamber that is a reminder of what he is capable of. If they want a bigger reminder, they can see what he is going to do to Randy Orton later tonight.
Referees try to help Mark get back to his feet and that gives Sheamus the chance to hit another pump kick.
Miz and Alex Riley walk in the back and Miz pushes someone out of the way and then he walks past Michael Tarver.
We go to commercial.
We are back with the WWE Rewind: Daniel Bryan and Jerry Lawler defeating Ted DiBiase and Miz last week on Raw.
As Miz walks to the ring Michael Cole ‘marks out’ at the fact that Miz is walking towards him.
Alex Riley joins Cole and Mathews at the announce table, so if you want to mute or go to the Spanish broadcast, remember me for having to stay with the English.
Match Number Three: Miz with Alex ‘Michael Cole wishes that he could be me’ Riley versus Daniel Bryan in a Champion versus Champion Non-Title Match
They lock up and Miz with a side head lock and shoulder tackle. Miz yells at Daniel Bryan before they lock up again. Bryan with an arm drag or two into an arm bar and hammer lock. Miz with an elbow to Bryan but Bryan with drop kicks to Miz. Bryan with a kick to the chest but Miz responds with a kick of his own. Miz kicks Bryan in the chest and knees him in the back. Miz with an elbow and then he puts Bryan in a rear chin lock. Miz with a reverse chin lock but Bryan with elbows. Bryan with a choke on Miz and Miz makes it to the ropes. Bryan with kicks to the leg but Miz responds with a back elbow and Miz gets a near fall.
Miz with a reverse chin lock but Bryan with forearms and then he hits a flying clothesline after flipping off the turnbuckles. Bryan with a running drop kick into the corner and he gets a near fall. Miz with a kick and punch to Bryan but Bryan sends Miz over the top rope to the floor. Bryan sets for the suicide dive but Miz moves out of the way. Bryan goes to the apron and he hits a running knee and Miz knocks down part of the ringside barrier.
Bryan goes up top and he hits the missile drop kick and he gets a near fall. Miz with a jaw breaker but he goes in the LaBell region and Bryan tries for the LaBell Lock but Miz gets to the ropes before he can lock it in. Miz hits Bryan from the apron and then hits a neck breaker as Bryan hits the floor awkwardly.
We go to commercial.
We are back and Bryan is put on the turnbuckles and Miz tries for a superplex but Bryan blocks it and he hits a sunset flip power bomb for a near fall. Bryan gets to his feet first and he kicks Miz in the chest a number of times as William Regal has sympathy pains. Miz with a rollup after he ducks another kick. Miz with an inside cradle for a near fall. Miz with the Reality Check but Bryan blocks the second neck breaker and Bryan with a German suplex followed by a kick for a near fall. Bryan tries for the LaBell Lock but Miz is able to get to his feet and he sends Bryan into the turnbuckles. Bryan with an elbow and then Miz sends Bryan into the mat and then he hits the Skull Crushing Finale for the three count.
After the match, Cole and Riley mark out for Miz’s victory.
After the match, Miz gets on the mic and he asks everyone if they just saw what he did to the United States Champion. He says that everyone saw it, but there is one person who did not see. That person is Jerry Lawler. We know that Jerry is not here tonight because his mother passed way. Miz says that he wants to offer his sincere condolences, however he hopes that Jerry does not use this as an excuse why he loses the match on Sunday at the pay per view. Miz says that he will still be WWE Champion because he is the Miz . . . and he’s AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWESOME.
Alex Riley gets to live the dream that Michael Cole wants by getting to stand next to Miz.
We go to commercial.
We are back and we see footage of John Morrison being attacked by CM Punk last week.
Michael McGillicutty and David Otunga with Mason ‘Nottista’ Ryan versus John Morrison and R Truth
Michael and Truth start things off and Michael with a shoulder tackle and Truth with an arm drag or two into an arm bar. Ryan grabs Truth’s leg and Michael sends Truth to the floor and then Ryan kicks Truth in the ribs when Morrison distracted the referee. Michael sends Truth into the apron and then they return to the ring and Michael gets a near fall.
Otunga tags in and they hit elbows on Truth. Otunga with a suplex for a near fall. Otunga with a reverse chin lock but Truth with punches to Otunga. Truth with a belly-to-back suplex and both men are down.
Morrison tags in and he punches Otunga and then he takes Morrison down. Morrison brings Michael into the ring and he punches him and kicks him. Morrison with kicks to the ribs and the referee pulls Morrison out of the way. Morrison with a running boot to Ryan that knocks him off the apron. Morrison sends Truth over the top rope onto Ryan and then Morrison with a Shining Wizard for the three count.
Winners: John Morrison and R Truth
After the match Ryan goes after Morrison but Truth and Morrison take care of Ryan.
Chris Jericho’s new book comes out on Wednesday with “Undisputed” (and you can see him on Red Eye on Fox News Channel later tonight).
We go to commercial.
We are back and Did You Know how much the Elimination Chamber weighs? It is heavier than the WWE roster.
Todd Grisham is in the ring with Ariel Winter who stars in The Chaperone. She says that she is excited to be in the ring on Raw. She mentions that her father in the movie is played by Triple H. She says that it is time for the Khali Kiss Kam. Great Khali and Runjin Singh come to the ring and it is time for everyone to dance.
Khali speaks and Runjin says that this is a special Valentine’s Day Edition of the Khali Kiss Kam. He says that the Kiss Kam is rolling in the arena and backstage. After a few shots in the crowd, we see Santino and Tamina. Vickie is with Dolph in the office. We see Ted and Maryse but Maryse refuses Ted and kisses Yoshi Tatsu before leaving. William Regal and Zack Ryder are in the back and Regal interrupts Ryder by kissing him. It ends with Hornswoggle and Ariel.
We go back outside and who will be the one to host Wrestlemania?
Randy Orton walks in the back only as Randy Orton can and we go to commercial.
We are back and who wants some more 2/21/11 imagery?
We see footage of Sheamus attacking Mark Henry earlier tonight.
Match Number Five: Sheamus versus Randy Orton
They lock up and the referee has to separate them. Sheamus with a kick and forearm to the back. Orton with a Thesz Press and punches. Orton misses a knee drop and Sheamus responds with a shoulder tackle and then he punches Orton. Sheamus with a forearm but Orton with a back breaker. Orton with a leaping knee drop and he gets a near fall. Sheamus with a running forearm to the head and he gets a near fall. Sheamus chokes Orton in the ropes. Sheamus with forearms across the chest as he has Orton tied up in the ropes and then he hits a running knee on the apron.
Sheamus with the slingshot shoulder tackle for a near fall. Sheamus with an arm bar but Orton punches Sheamus and then connects with head butts. Orton with an Irish whip but Sheamus with a shoulder. Orton with clotheslines followed by a power slam and a kick to the head. Sheamus with a uranage back breaker for a near fall.
Sheamus puts Orton on the turnbuckles and hits a superplex. Sheamus goes at Orton but Orton pops up and hits the RKO for the three count.
Winner: Randy Orton
After the match, CM Punk and Nexus 2.0 come to the ring and attack Orton. They must have forgotten that Sheamus is in the match too. John Morrison and R Truth come into the ring and there is pandemonium.
John Cena comes into the ring and he goes after Mason Ryan. Orton with an RKO to Otunga and McGillicutty. Orton punches Ryan and hits him with a European uppercut. Cena and Orton send Ryan over the top rope to the floor. Punk has Orton up for the Go To Sleep but Orton gets out of the hold and Orton pushes Punk to Cena who hits an Attitude Adjustment.
Orton and Cena stand tall in the ring.
A limo has arrived at the arena and the door opens. There is a pair of female legs that emerge from the limo and we don’t see above the knees as we go to commercial.
We are back and Justin Roberts introduces the host of Wrestlemania 27 . . . the lights go out in the arena and then the TitanTron is filled with the lightning.
The host is The Rock.
Finally, the crowd stops long enough for the Rock to say after seven long years, FINALLY, the Rock has come back to Anaheim. That means that Finally the Rock has come back to Monday Night Raw. That means Finally, the Rock has come back home.
Before we electrify and turn this out tonight, for those of you who don’t know, the Rock has many nicknames. The Great One. The Most Electrifying Man in all of Entertainment. The People’s Champion.
He says that he wants to say something as Dwayne. It has been a long time since he has been back. He wants to take this moment to tell everyone why he is back. It isn’t because of the money or to promote a movie. It is because of everyone in the audience. When he left the WWE, he dreamed big and he accomplished his dreams because the people never left his side.
He tells everyone in the building and watching at home, thank you and he loves you. He says that it is because of them that he is back in the ring and he is never going away.
Rock says that he is back and he is back because he wanted to do something that no man had done before. He wanted to host Wrestlemania. He called Vince McMahon and he says that he knew why he was calling. Vince says that there is only one man who could electrify the people and that man is . . . Justin Bieber. Rock says that he told Vince that Justin is a cool kid, but there is only one man capable enough to host Wrestlemania. The Jabroni Beatin’ . . . Pie Eatin’ . . . Trail blazin’ . . . Eye brow raisin’. . . Step off the brake, put your foot on the gas. . . always ready to kick some ass. . . The Rock.
He says that he is going to Wrestlemania and he is going to layeth the smack down. But to who? That is the question. Could it be the WWE Champion The Miz? Rock mocks Miz and he says that he ain’t no scientist but if you have to go around tell everyone that you are awesome, then you 100% completely suck. There is one more man who the Rock wants to see. One more man who the Rock is going to see. That man is . . .
Interrupted by the most annoying noise in Sports Entertainment. And the computer goes off too. Michael Cole rises smugly from his seat and he says that he has received an e-mail from the anonymous Raw General Manager.
Rock tells Cole that if he takes one more step toward the computer he will slap the taste out of his mouth. Rock says that he is not going to let Cole interrupt him when he is live on Raw. Rock says that nobody gives a damn what the General Manager has to say.
Rock asks Cole if that is what he thinks.
Cole starts to talk, but Rock tells him IT DOESN’T MATTER.
Rock tells Cole to sit his ass down at the announcer booth and take off his headset and not say a word. Rock quotes that he needs to know his role and shut his damn mouth. If he doesn’t the Rock will have some pretty cool Facebook photos to show tonight. Rock says that if Cole doesn’t do what he says, then they will get a photo of Rock going over to the computer and he will shine it up nice and twist it sideways and stick it up Michael Cole’s candy ass.
He tells the drunk hobbit to sit down.
Rock says that there is one man that he is going to see. One man that he has to see face to face. A guy he met and thought he was a cool guy. He wished him well and was happy for his success. Eventually this man started talking trash about the Rock. He doesn’t know why and he doesn’t care. That man is John Cena.
Rock wants to get it straight. The WWE has gone from the powerful ‘Austin 3:16’ to the dominant and iconic ‘Can You Smell What the Rock is Cooking’ to ‘You Can’t See Me’. Rock wants to know if they are playing peek-a-boo. Rock says that a blindfolded Stevie Wonder in the basement can see his ass. Rock says that with all of his shirts, Cena looks like a bowl of Fruity Pebbles.
Rock tells Cena that he will see him at Wrestlemania, just like he will see the Miz. Just like he will see everyone at Wrestlemania. Just as sure as the Rock turns this into the most epic Wrestlemania in history. Just as sure as John Cena looks like he got shot out of Barney’s anus. Rock guaran-damntees three things. He guaran-damntees to show that he is the most electrifying man in entertainment. At the drop of the dime, he will layeth the smacketh down on their candy asses. He guaran-damntees that the Rock and the millions . . . and millions of his fans will electrifying Wrestlemania like no one else. If you smelllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllalalalala what the Rock is cooking.
We go to credits.