Tonight’s WWE RAW opens up with a photo in a frame of The Rock yelling into a microphone. Rock is sitting in the room talking on his phone about how John Cena’s promo last week wasn’t funny and just stunk. Rock says he has tried talking with Cena like a man but he reacts like a child. Cena’s music plays and the camera pans out into the arena. Rock says Cena has a lot of nerve coming to Rock’s house but he finally has. Rock says this is Cena’s final chance to talk like a man. In walks a young boy dressed like Cena. He tells Rock he can’t see him.
Rock tells the mini-Cena to talk to him like an adult and stop acting like a rapper. The little kid raps something and tells Rock to come get some. Rock just laughs at him. Rock sits down and talks he’s talking to Cena. Rock acknowledges that Cena became the man in WWE while he was gone. Rock compares Cena to Kermit the Frog and Barney. Rock says Cena owns the 2-5 year old demographic. Rock asks mini-Cena if he knows why he will never be good as The Rock. The boy says yes, because I’m not as talented. Big shot at Cena there. Rock says finally it’s out in the open. Rock asks him how he feels now. Rock interrupts and tells mini-Cena it doesn’t matter how he feels. The mini-Cena starts crying and Rock hands him what he calls the next best thing to toilet paper – a Cena shirt. Rock says nobody cares about that shirt and throws it away, spitting on it. Rock says he’s proud of “Cena” for admitting he’s not that talented. Rock rewards Cena with a box of Fruity Pebbles and mini-Cena cheers up. Rock goes on dissing Cena and it’s pretty good. Rock sends mini-Cena on his way with the cereal and tells him to enjoy him, the no talent fruit loop. Rock directs his attention to the camera now and calls out The Miz.
The Rock talks about Miz laying out Cena last week, using The People’s Elbow and disrespecting his family. Rock said Miz made the statement that he wants Rock to give him the biggest ass whooping of his time. Rock says it’s WrestleMania time and the games are over. Rock promises to bring it live on RAW before WrestleMania. Rock says Cena and Miz need to be worried about how hard he lays the smackdown on their candy asses. Rock does his “if ya smell” line and his music hits to a big pop in the arena. Jerry Lawler welcomes us to RAW in St. Louis.
– We see Jersey Shore’s Snooki backstage talking with Trish Stratus.
– We go ringside with the announcers. Michael Cole is isolated in his own cube. He calls it the Cole Mine. We go to the ring and out comes the WWE Champion The Miz. Cole stands up in his cube and cheers on Miz.
They show replays of The Miz and John Cena going back and forth over the past few weeks. The Miz takes the mic and wants to speak but the crowd is booing him. Miz says The Rock does bring it, he brings old catchphrases and bad tattoos. Miz goes to address Rock’s family but the crowd chants “you suck.” Miz says Rock’s father and grandfather were good but never WWE Champion. Miz says he is better than both of them so he can say whatever he wants. Miz tells Rock to step in the ring and he will make him cry and scream like a little girl. Instead of talking about beating up John Cena, Miz has actually done it for three weeks in a row, he says.
The Miz goes on and declares he’s awesome. The e-mail alert goes off and Cole exits his cube and steps up to the podium. Jerry Lawler gets up and cuts him off. Lawler takes the podium instead to read the General Manager’s announcement. Lawler tells Cole to go back to his cage. It’s announced that John Cena will take on Alberto Del Rio for the first time ever tonight. The Miz says he’s beaten everybody there is to beat and his opponent is introduced… The Great Khali. Khali comes out with Ranjin Singh and we have a match.
The Great Khali vs. The Miz
We go to commercial as Khali makes his way down to the ring.
Back from the break and the bell rings. They go at it and Khali takes Miz down with chops. Khali hits the big over-hand chop on Miz and he goes down. Khali applies the vice grip on his head. Miz reaches for the ropes but is pulled back. Miz makes it back to the ropes but Khali won’t break the hold. Alex Riley runs in and attacks Khali from behind. Miz escapes while Khali hits Riley with a Khali Bomb. Miz runs in with a steel chair and cracks Khali in the back over and over until he falls to the mat. Miz continues the assault with the chair, hitting Khali about a dozen or more times. Miz drops Khali’s face on the chair and poses with it before leaving the ring. We see a shot of Khali’s back and blood is streaming out of it. Ranjin and a referee check on Khali as the blood comes down. Miz poses with the chair as we go back to the announcers.
– Michael Cole says he’s going to expose Jerry Lawler tonight. Cole says he has someone from Lawler’s past tonight and it will be someone to shock the world. We get hype for Mason Ryan vs. Randy Orton before going to commercial.
– We get a video package hyping up Triple H vs. The Undertaker at WrestleMania 27.
– We see John Morison backstage with Snooki talking. She says they can always use another cast member on Jersey Shore. Vickie Guerrero ad Dolph Ziggler walk up. Vickie says Snooki thinks she’s special because she got the cover of Rolling Stone. Vickie said she was offered Playboy. Snooki says you can’t fit what Vickie has on one page and smacks her. Vickie vents to Dolph as Snooki and Morrison walk off and we go to commercial.
WWE United States Title Match: Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan
Back from commercial and out comes Sheamus, who is still using the “King” gimmick. Sheamus’ job is on the line here. Justin Roberts reminds us that Sheamus will quit WWE if he loses. Out next comes the WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan with Gail Kim.
The bell rings and Sheamus takes Bryan down first. Sheamus with a shoulder and a 2 count. They go back and forth. Bryan with a takedown as Matthews wonders if there is a King of the Ring curse. Sheamus ends up on the floor and Bryan dives through the ropes onto him. Bryan brings it back in the ring and goes up top. Bryan hits a big missile dropkick for a 2 count. Sheamus rolls out of the ring as we go to commercial.
Back from commercial and Sheamus has a chinlock on Bryan. During the break, Sheamus hit a big backbreaker and a clothesline. Bryan fights out of the chinlock but Sheamus knocks him down with another shoulder. Sheamus hits Bryan with a series of forearm shots to the chest now. Sheamus gets on the apron and hits a running knee to Bryan. 2 count for Sheamus. Bryan counters a move for a 2 count then dumps Sheamus out to the floor. Sheamus lands on the same ankle he fell on last week. Sheamus is down holding his knee as the referee counts. Sheamus makes it back in but goes to the corner. Bryan locks on the LaBella Lock but Sheamus makes it to the ropes. Bryan counters again and rolls him up for 2. They trade forearm shots now. Bryan drops Sheamus and knocks him out with a bunch of kicks. Sheamus kicks out at 2.
Bryan goes up top and comes down on Sheamus but gets hit with a brogue kick in mid-air. Sheamus covers Bryan for the pin and the win.
Winner and New WWE United States Champion: Sheamus
– Michael Cole stands up at his cube and says he is about to destroy The King and bring someone from Jerry Lawler’s past and expose him for what he is. Cole says that’s up next as we go to commercial.
– Back from commercial and we see highlights of Steve Austin’s return where he was named the special referee for WrestleMania. Michael Cole is in the ring and says the people enjoyed it when Austin put himself into Cole’s main event at WrestleMania. Cole guarantees that Austin will have minimal effect when he beats Jerry Lawler at WrestleMania. Cole directs his attention at Lawler and says he knows he doesn’t like it when someone talks about Lawler’s family – living or dead. Cole calls out Lawler’s son, former WWE star Brian Christopher. He comes out dancing to his Grand Master Sexay music.
Lawler looks on as Christopher dances into the ring and Cole dances around. Cole asks him why he never used the Lawler name in WWE. Christopher says he never had a father growing up because Jerry Lawler was off around the world being the King. Christopher says Lawler neglected him and never really wanted a child. Christopher steps out of the ring in front of the announcer’s table now. Christopher says when he made it to WWE, Lawler wouldn’t even acknowledge he was his son. Lawler grabs a mic and says Christopher isn’t the only one that’s glad he didn’t use the Lawler name. Lawler says Christopher is a bigger screw-up than Charlie Sheen. Christopher asks Lawler how it feels to know he competed at WrestleMania as Too Cool before he did. Christopher says he was one of the biggest WWE stars at one time. Christopher asks Lawler again how that makes him feel and shoves him twice. Christopher mushes Lawler in the face and says he’s ashamed of him. He drops the mic and walks off as Lawler looks on. Cole calls Lawler a coward and a loser. Cole says he will put Lawler in his place at WrestleMania. The music hits and out comes Jim Ross to a big pop!
JR enters the ring and Cole says it must be a slow week on Twitter or in the BBQ world. Ross tells Cole everything Cole has done has gone far enough. Cole tells JR to just go away. Cole says this is his show now and he is the voice of WWE, not Jim Ross. Ross says he had the privilege for many years of sitting beside Lawler at ringside and to be inducted into the Hall of Fame. Ross says nobody will ever be the voice of WWE because the voices of WWE are in the arena tonight, referring to the fans. Ross says Lawler has been carrying Cole on commentary. JR calls Cole a rat bastard and walks off to leave the ring. Cole says he is the bigger man while JR walks out of the ring. Cole says JR has his tail tucked between his legs. JR stops and re-enters the ring.
Ross takes off his coat and his hat. Cole takes off his coat and tie. The crowd chants for JR. Jack Swagger runs down and attacks Lawler, laying him out at the announcer’s table. Cole instructs Swagger to get in the ring. Swagger comes in and JR tells him to hold on. Swagger kicks Ross in the gut and beats him down to the mat. Swagger applies the ankle lock to JR as Cole yells in his face. Lawler gets up and comes in the ring to fight Swagger off of JR. Cole jumps on Lawler’s back and they take him down. Swagger applies the ankle lock on Lawler now. Cole then applies the ankle lock on JR. Cole tells JR and Lawler this is his time.
– Josh Matthews hypes John Cena vs. Alberto Del Rio and Mason Ryan vs. Randy Orton as we go to commercial.
Randy Orton vs. Mason Ryan
Back from commercial and we see recent clips of Randy Orton’s feud with Nexus. We go to the ring and out comes Randy Orton to a big pop from his hometown crowd. Out next is Mason Ryan with CM Punk. The bell rings and Ryan locks up with Orton and they go to the corner. Orton turns it around and unloads on Ryan with uppercuts. Ryan fights him off and ends up dropping Orton with a big boot. We see Punk looking on from the stage. If Ryan loses, he can’t be with Punk at WrestleMania. Ryan with a big backbreaker for a 2 count.
Mason applies a hold on Orton but Orton fights to his feet. Mason runs into Orton’s boot and Orton drops him with a clothesline. Mason catches Orton and drops him with a big side slam for a close 2 count. Ryan picks Orton up and looks at the WrestleMania sign. Orton comes back with an RKO out of nowhere for the win.
Winner: Randy Orton
– After the match, Orton stops on the ramp and stares at Punk. He looks back at Mason in the ring. Punk runs down as Orton runs in the ring and punt kicks Ryan. Punk enters the ring with half of his body but Orton gets in his face in the strike position and dares him to move. Punk slowly backs down and out of the ring. Punk retreats and a stretcher is brought down for Mason as Orton poses in the corner before we take another break.
– We get a Hall of Fame video package for comedian Drew Carey’s induction. They show Carey’s appearance in the Royal Rumble years ago and the interruption from Kane. They plug Drew’s new show and role on The Price Is Right.
– Michael Cole stands up in his cube again and welcomes us all to the Cole Mine again. Cole says we all saw the premiere of the Michael Cole ankle lock tonight. Cole says he is going to use that move to defeat Jerry Lawler at WrestleMania. Cole tells Jim Ross that ankle lock was a slobberknocker. Cole mocks JR some more as Matthews hypes Cena vs. Del Rio for later.
– Trish Stratus and Snooki are walking backstage when Zack Ryder walks up. He shows Snooki his abs and asks her how she likes that situation. She says it’s pretty solid and walks off with Trish as we go to commercial.
– Back from commercial and out comes tonight’s RAW guest host Snooki from MTV’s Jersey Shore. Snooki says she has been waiting for this moment all week long. Snooki says she’s ready for Trish Stratus to shut Vickie Guerrero’s mouth up and that’s it. Snooki goes to ringside as Vickie Guerrero makes her way out.
No DQ Match: Vickie Guerrero vs. Trish Stratus
Vickie Guerrero comes in the ring as a No DQ stipulation is added. Vickie asks us to excuse her. She says she will beat Trish Stratus tonight and get a job on RAW. Snooki boo’s Vickie from ringside. Vickie tells Snooki to never touch her again and talks about stealing her spotlight. Vickie says Snooki’s Rolling Stones cover was supposed to be hers and shows a fake cover with Vickie on it. Vickie says she will be the new media darling after tonight. The music of Trish Stratus hits and out she comes to the ring to a nice pop.
The bell rings and here we go. Trish rolls Vickie up for a 2 count. Vickie goes for a kick and Trish catches her leg. Trish shoves Vickie to the mat. Vickie runs around the ring but Trish chases her back in. Vickie tries to fight Trish off with her shoe. She throws it and Trish ducks. Vickie pulls her other shoe off and charges with it. Trish kicks her to the mat. Trish spanks Vickie with the shoe until Dolph Ziggler runs in the ring. John Morrison runs out next and goes at it with Ziggler. They fight to the floor. Michelle McCool and Layla run out. It’s still a No DQ match so everything goes. McCool kicks Trish in the chin and lays her out. Vickie, Layla and McCool all cover Trish at the same time for the win.
Winner: Vickie Guerrero
– Vickie celebrates her new job on RAW with LayCool as they all lay on Trish and take photos. McCool points out Snooki and they pick on her height. McCool drops down to the floor and taunts Snooki, who is still sitting down. Snooki stands up and McCool shoves her back into the chair. McCool goes for the ring but Snooki pulls her to the floor. Snooki goes in the ring and leaps onto Layla and works her over. Trish comes back in and takes out McCool while Snookie is on top of Layla. Morrison, Snooki and Trish pose in the ring while LayCool, Dolph and Vickie are on the floor. Vickie tells Snooki she is way over her head. Vickie says she is going to show them all what they deserve. Vickie challenges the three of them to face LayCool and Ziggler at WrestleMania. Snooki, Morrison and Trish accept and we have a match for WrestleMania. Time for another break.
– Back from commercial and we get another video for Sin Cara. This time he’s performing lucha moves in a ring surrounded by fire.
– We go to another video of Shawn Michaels talking about Triple H vs. The Undertaker. Last week he talked about Triple H and this week he’s talking about The Undertaker. Shawn talks about how intimidating Taker is and what he’s accomplished in his career. Shawn then talks about the streak.
Alberto Del Rio vs. John Cena
We go to the ring where Ricardo Rodriguez begins to introduce Alberto Del Rio. Del Rio comes driving a white convertible Bentley into the arena. Out behind Del Rio comes Brodus Clay down the ramp. Del Rio and Clay enter the ring as we get ready for John Cena’s entrance. Cena comes out to a huge pop from the crowd, maybe the biggest of the night. Cena enters the ring and we get ready to go.
Del Rio and Cena lock up for the first time ever. Del Rio takes Cena down with a headlock. Michael Cole says he has it on good authority that The Rock is here in St. Louis tonight. They go back and forth until Del Rio is forced out of the ring. We go to commercial with Cole yelling “Rock is here!”
Back from the break and Del Rio takes Cena down for a 2 count. Del Rio with another headlock on Cena. Both men go down twice after colliding. They get to their feet and trade right hands in the middle of the ring. Cena takes Del Rio down with shoulder blocks and hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle. Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment but Brodus Clay comes in and knocks Cena down.
Winner by DQ: John Cena
– After the match, Del Rio and Clay beat down Cena. The Rock’s music hits and the crowd erupts. It’s not The Rock, it’s The Miz dressed like The Rock, complete with bald head and everything. Cena tries to fight off Del Rio and Clay in the ring but can’t. They beat him down. Cena gets up but Miz hits The Rock Bottom. Del Rio hits a big kick to the head on Cena in the corner. Clay is he next as he tosses Cena with an overhead suplex. Cena is sent to the floor as Miz poses on the turnbuckles like The Rock. Miz removes the rubber from his head and goes outside after Cena. Miz rams Cena into the steel ring post. Miz tells Cena this is his Road to WrestleMania and drops him with a microphone shot to the head. Miz tells Cena he has owned him for three weeks now and will own him until WrestleMania. Miz decks him again with the microphone, sending him up by the ramp. Miz suplexes Cena onto the steel. Miz picks Cena up and they fight to the top of the ramp. Cena fights back but Miz drops him on his face, hitting the stage. Miz taunts Cena and throws him into the W that’s a part of the RAW set. Cena gets up but Miz Mic Checks him into the steel structure of the W. The Miz stares at Cena in his face as his music hits and we go to replays. RAW goes off the air with The Miz standing over John Cena laid out on the steel.